Working with the Obama for America 2008 campaign was enlightening. President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama possess a special gift. They inspired me to become a better person and make the world a better place. While travelling through Iowa, I was committed to win this state for the campaign and overjoyed to be part of the movement to place them in the White House.
As Iowa moved past the car window, I thought of the “Ripple of Hope” speech delivered by Robert Kennedy at The University of Cape Town in South Africa. To me, being a “ripple of hope,” means being a person who inspires others to reach their highest possibilities. A ripple of hope is someone who guides others to discover the gifts they can share to uplift the world. As I knocked on doors in Iowa, I decided to return to school to become an educator.
Teaching is a calling. I am an educator to the core. My first year of teaching was with a declining school within Denver Public Schools. The decline began when beloved and effective leadership took her leave after years of service. Incoming leadership floundered in her responsibilities and was unable to support the teaching staff as she should. Increasing rates of teacher burnout are due to a lack of support from leadership. 50% of teachers leave the profession within the first five years. Newly licensed teachers are often placed in declining schools with inept leadership. This type of baptism by fire happens all the time. I wonder if it’s to see how we walk through the fire. If we are reduced to ash, we are easier to place in the teacher box. Are you wondering what I mean by “the teacher box?” I’m happy to expand.
I made the decision to move into education as a change maker. Reports that the US rank low in education in comparison with other countries were concerning to me. I was determined to do something about it. That’s one thing visionaries do. We see a problem and determine how to solve it. My vision of being an educator -- someone who inspires others to realize their highest possibilities -- was constantly being distilled into “the teacher box” – someone who prepares students for testing.
Educators intuitively know what should be priority for the learning community in their care. As I felt like collapsing under the weight of never-ending responsibilities, my love for my students gave me buoyancy. My focus was creating an inspiring learning community where everyone felt loved, safe and respected. It gave my heart such joy when students would return from the chaos of the hallway, the cafeteria or recess and say, “Ah, it’s good to be home Mrs. Lehman.” Imagine my fractured heart when they were reduced to tears by common core tests. The curriculum provided by the district wasn’t common core aligned. Still, we were expected to inflict the anxiety of these tests on students. Everyday, I focused on building relationships built on the strength of trust. Talk about breaking the circle of trust. I didn’t sign up for this.
One day, I was walking with a student who wasn’t collected after school, to the principal’s office. She looked up at me, knowing something wasn’t quite right. I was preparing myself to walk into the principal’s office and let her know I was exhausted by the constant state of chaos and disgraceful conditions. “I quit!” I would say. At that moment, the student said, “Did I tell you our mom left us Mrs. Lehman?” That student helped me find strength I didn’t know existed. I couldn’t abandon my students. I stayed throughout the year, giving them the best I had. Always wishing I could do more. I will love these students to infinity and beyond for everything they taught me.
The next year I accepted a 5th grade teacher position with a charter school in my neighborhood. My heart ached leaving the students I loved but I was concerned about burning out based on the previous year. My decision of survival was made based on a shorter drive so I could focus more on teaching, more resources and a beautiful building. We don’t make the best decisions when we are in survival mode. I should have listened to the wisdom of my Grandpa Russ, “Never judge a book by its cover.” It doesn’t matter what a school looks like when you are in a “churn and burn” charter school. You are under so much pressure. Seeing clearly is often a luxury.
While preparing for back to school night, a fellow teacher said, “Get ready for parents to sit back and judge -- you’ll never be good enough.” The teacher exited my room with the parting comment, “Get ready to be treated like a slave.” I thanked this teacher for their advice and felt, “I’m going to be fine. I’m pumping with positivity and received “distinguished” ratings in community and relationship building, during teacher assessments last year. Relationship building is one of my strengths. What could go wrong?” The first week of school, a student announced, “I hope you stay Mrs. Lehman. Every teacher I like leaves.”
The school was experimenting with a new blended curriculum format that no one seemed entirely on board with. Teachers who had been with the school for years would try to console me by saying, “We’re sorry you have to go through this your first year here. We’re finding it difficult.” It’s been my observation of our education system that when administration is feeling their own inefficiencies, they will change things purely for the sake of changing things. It’s their way of justifying their existence. By doing this, they sacrifice the balance of the teaching staff. The teaching staff feels constantly stressed, anxious and unbalanced and students feel this.
On top of feeling as if I were in a pressure cooker, there were the parents. Many parents seemed to be on permanent summer vacation in parenting. There is a lack of accountability in our culture. As an educator, it’s important to teach this vital character trait. This act of defiance somehow earned me the reputation of “the mean teacher.” I received one of the highest ratings within Denver Public Schools on their student perception survey and was now “the mean teacher.”
Complaining about me to the principal seemed to be an odd form of entertainment for the abusive parent club. I would later learn that “teacher bullying” was common practice at this school by students and parents. As a new teacher, if you didn’t fit the mold or a child was placed with you and the parent wanted them with a more established teacher, you became a punching bag.
In the morning, I would teach math for my homeroom class, they would then go to another teacher for Science. Another 5th grade class would join me for math. Relationships are so important to me. Imagine you’re responsible for building and maintaining high quality relationships with sixty 5th grade students. I longed for the quality of relationships formed with the twenty-three 3rd grade students in my care the previous year.
During a math lesson with the visiting class, a student actually laughed with other students about getting me fired. When I shared this with my principal I said, “I will do what I need to do to be a rock star teacher here. I draw the line at being a punching bag. I need your support. This is unacceptable.” Her reply was that "she struggles with being a people-pleaser" and she commenced to withdraw her support from me entirely.
Shortly following this experience, we were tasked to create assessments without receiving training to do so. The assessments were implemented through a software application that was equally ineffective. The experience for teachers and students wasn’t pleasant. Just before winter break, we were told that all assessments had to be graded prior to our professional development meeting. I would only have time that weekend to complete this. I was waking up at 4:30 am every day, operating on very little sleep, constantly on-demand and feeling like a potato that spent too much time in the pressure cooker. Did you know teachers make 1,500 educational decisions every day? That’s four per minute for every six hours of instruction. I needed to do nothing but sleep that weekend.
Did I mention there was a teacher on my team with the toxicity level of nuclear waste? I spent way too much time and energy trying to figure out how to connect with her -- trying to understand why the teacher she reduced to tears last year, was her minion this year. How would I get through the year with “The Sisters Grim?" Why did this toxic person seem to have some bizarre control over leadership?
All of this percolated through my mind, the feeling I would never be enough washed over me, my brain switched back to the assessments and breathtaking pain spread throughout my chest and up my neck. I thought I was experiencing a heart attack and would learn this was an anxiety attack. This was perceived as “normal” by my principal. “She had them all the time.” The deadline for the assessments was the proverbial straw that broke this camel’s back. I actually felt something “inside” me break and resigned the next day.
Teachers in the US are experiencing PTSD symptoms from teacher trauma. Educators are asked to compromise their creativity and their love of the art and science of teaching to fit inside “the teacher box.” Educators are conscientious and thoughtful people. We are constantly forced into reaction mode, making countless decisions and jumping through hoops that never seem to end.
Teachers in the US are taking anti-depressants to get through the school year because they are suffering from abuse, feeling undervalued and disrespected. We suffer from poor health and frayed nervous systems. This is not normal. This is inhumane. There is a correlation with the success of the education system in Finland and their educators being respected, valued and empowered. The US does a disservice to our children and the caring and courageous people attempting to educate our next generation, by not following Finland's lead. Learn more by visiting The Finland Phenomenon.
Following watching “Waiting for Superman,” I bought the spin that we needed better educators. What I discovered were amazing educators who were doing their best to navigate a broken and antiquated system. We are forced to compromise our vision of being an educator or someone who helps others realize their possibilities to being distilled into “the teacher box” – someone who prepares students for testing. We are loaded down with sometimes suffocating responsibilities until we feel we will break.
My background before becoming a classroom teacher was in sales, marketing, technology and non-profit management. Nothing compares with the intense level of exhaustion I experienced as a classroom teacher. Teachers become the easy scapegoat for everything wrong with the system. We are suffering from a lack of support from leadership. When will the same high standards be placed upon leadership? Teaching should be a joy. Effective leadership is key.
We’ve come full circle back to the Obama for America 2008 campaign. During a conversation with President Obama’s maternal half sister, Maya Soetoro-Ng, I shared with her my concerns regarding our education system. She is an educator who inspires me, especially with her work in peace and conflict resolution. She said, “When enough people who have the heart of an educator, and the passion for being an advocate for students like you enter the system, it will transform for the better.” My intention was to transform the system for the better. My experience was that the system began to change me. It was asking me to compromise my health and integrity. I won’t do that for anyone or anything. No one should be expected to.
